Like A Whiskey
by JimberlyShipper
Summary: Dean and Cas meet when they're young and date for awhile, and then break up. 17 years later, they meet again. Based on a song by Maroon 5 called Whiskey.


_**Disclaimer: The characters of**_ _Supernatural_ _**do not belong to me. This is a oneshot that is based on a song by Maroon 5 that makes me think of Destiel. It is AU, and takes place in flashbacks and present day. Dean and Cas meet when they're young and have a relationship. They end up breaking up and don't see each other for 17 years. Is the spark still there? Let's read on and find out. XD. And I changed the pronouns for the song, I don't think Adam Levine would mind. XD.**_

Like A Whiskey

By Julia

 _Leaves are fallin'  
It's September  
The night came in and made him shiver  
I told him he could have my jacket  
Wrapped it tight around his shoulders  
And I was so young  
Till he kissed me  
Like a whiskey  
Like a whiskey_

 _I never knew that love was blind  
Till I was his  
But he was never mine  
Yeah I was reckless  
But I let it burn  
I let it burn, yeah  
The feeling, it was bittersweet  
Realizing I was in too deep  
He was a lesson I had to learn  
I had to learn, yeah_

 _Seventeen years ago:_

Cas could feel butterflies in his stomach. He and Dean had been together for a year and a half. He was laying on their bed. They had a crappy one bedroom apartment in Brooklyn. Cas didn't know what he was going to do when Dean got home. They had been fighting lately and Cas hated it. He hated it more than he hated everything else about their relationship. It had been a quick and passionate one at first. Then they'd settled into an actual relationship. Castiel Novak had never been in a real relationship with a guy before. He was watching tv, it was on an entertainment center. They didn't really have a place to entertain friends. It was mostly just them. Cas had friends that he saw, but never around Dean. Cas was starting to wonder if Dean was going to break up with him. He didn't want that, but that didn't mean that Cas was right in his fears. He heard a key in the door, and Cas left the tiny bedroom, finding his boyfriend home from work. He was a mechanic. Older than Cas was, Dean was 21 and Cas was just now 19. Cas didn't think they were going to be forever. Cas leaned on the wall by the front door.

He set his green eyes on Cas. Dean wasn't sure that he liked Cas waiting for him like a puppy waits for its master. Just because Dean didn't think they were going to be together much longer. He had tried to be what Cas needed. And he wasn't sure that he could. Cas had been a nice distraction. Dean may actually love him. But no… not enough to be in his life forever. He didn't think that he could doom his soul to hell because of him being with a man. Dean put his keys on the table by the door. He brushed hair out of his eyes. "Cas, I need to talk to you." Dean said. He'd been thinking about this for awhile. Cas was gay. And proud about it. Dean wasn't anywhere near that. This might have been just experimentation. Dean hated to do this to him. "Castiel." He started, and saw the panic on Cas' face. He didn't often call Cas by his whole first name, and Dean knew Cas was going to at least have some idea of how this was going to go. Dean brushed his hand through his brown hair. "So, I have to be honest. You… you know that I really, I do care about you. I do. I don't regret our time together. I don't. But I think…. I think with me, it was just sex. I don't think that I ever thought this was going to be a long term thing," Dean watched Cas' face, and he saw that gorgeous face falling with pain. "I've… I've been trying to decide what to do for awhile. I know that… I know that I hurt you. I know that, Cas. It just… it never felt like I was in love with you." This was a lie, but one he could live with.

Cas' eyes brushed with tears, and his mind fell back to when they'd first met.

 _Two years ago:_

The leaves were falling off the trees. Cas was walking down the street to the library. He had a paper due for history. He was a senior at PS 172 in Brooklyn. He was carrying his bookbag, when he bumped into someone. Literally. Cas looked up into striking green eyes. Then his eyes settled on the rest of him. He was about Cas' height, and he was the most beautiful boy Cas had ever seen. He looked maybe a year or two older than Cas was. Cas immediately apologized. "I'm sorry."

Dean Winchester was all of nineteen and had barely graduated from high school. He'd been a year behind, their dad had been a Marine, and they'd moved around a lot. They was him and his baby brother Sam. Who was 15. He might know this kid, Sam went to PS 172. Dean didn't know what to say. The other was looking at him like he was a snack or something. Dean wasn't sure why or why it was that he liked it. It should be freaking him out. But he liked it. He liked it more than he had anything in a really long time. "You… you didn't mean to, it's okay man." Dean finally said. This was new for him, being kind of attracted to other guys, It was making him feel very odd.

"No, I didn't." Cas agreed, blushing. He didn't know how to talk to him. He didn't know how to do anything. Cas had only been out for a year. He hadn't really flirted or gone on any dates or anything. Cas also was sort of getting a vibe from this guy. That he might be into guys too. But Cas also thought that was kind of cool, if he hadn't dated a guy before maybe they could be each other's firsts. Cas really liked that idea. He brushed one of his hands in his silky black hair. "I'm Castiel Novak. It's nice to meet you." He said, his face red. He couldn't help the blush that covered his whole face. Dean was gorgeous. "What's your name?" He asked, his tone casual.

Now the guy was asking him what his name was. Dean didn't know what to do. He didn't know what was making the other boy look so attractive to Dean. It was throwing him off quite a bit. Dean finally managed to say something. "Dean Winchester." He said, still looking at the other with a sort of angry hungry expression. He wished that he could change that. Dean.. he hadn't been attracted to a guy before. It was scaring the hell out of him. Dean brushed hair off his forehead and then offered his hand for Cas to shake. Cas shook it, his fingers lingering in Dean's. This worried him too, even if he didn't want to admit it. His eyes met the other's, and he fought back the ache of desire in his stomach. This couldn't be happening.

All of that, Cas saw. He saw the way Dean was looking at him. He knew what was on the other boy's mind. "It's really great to meet you, Dean." Cas said. He didn't know what to say about what about what he'd observed about Dean. He could tell that Dean was trying to hide the fact that he was attracted to Cas. Cas wasn't sure that he could blame Dean. The first time he'd a crush on a guy he'd kind of flipped out. It had been something that Cas had been worried his parents would disown him or something. Cas hadn't told them yet, and he didn't plan to. He was almost eighteen. He could tell them then. Although since he _was_ out, they might know. Cas brushed a hand through his black hair again. He knew it was a bit messy from his fingers through it. Cas looked him over, Dean seemed to be nervous. It was really adorable. "Do you want to go and grab something to eat? I have a paper to work on but I would love to have a fun time with you." Cas really couldn't imagine a better idea. He was blushing deeply. Cas wasn't able to keep the shy smile off his face. Cas' blush got even deeper and he wondered if Dean was going to say yes. Cas kept his blue eyes on the other man's, and he could tell Dean was wavering. That was a great sign. "I mean, you're gorgeous. But it doesn't have to be a date if you aren't ready for that." Cas told him softly.

His heart was pounding out of his chest. Dean couldn't even form words. He didn't know if he should. Even if it was incredibly tempting. Dean was trying to find a way to say no. But he couldn't. As much as he was freaking out, he really did want to go grab a bite to eat with Cas. He really did. Dean cleared his throat. "Um, yeah, I guess so, sure." He said. He knew that that didn't really sound like he really did want to go. Dean felt kind of bad about that. He was really hoping that Cas wouldn't think that he was gay or something. Dean was supposed to be straight. So why was he feeling attracted to Cas? His stomach was full of butterflies. Dean didn't know what to do about that. He couldn't stop the butterflies. "I want.. This isn't a date, right? It's… I'm not opposed to guys being into guys. I just.. I'm straight." Dean tried to sound as sure about this as he could. He wanted the other to believe him. It was hard when he couldn't take his eyes off Cas' gorgeous face. They really were flirting with each other. Dean wished he could stop. He knew that he was covered in a red blush. Dean almost never blushed. It… what was this guy doing with him? _To_ him? Dean hadn't ever had to worry about this. Yeah, he'd been hit on by guys before, but he'd never felt like taking them up on their offer. What was it about this guy that Dean liked so much. His green eyes refused to look away from Cas' blue ones. Dean had never seen more beautiful eyes than the ones that Cas had in that gorgeous head of his.

This was hard to approach. It was obvious that Dean was into him. Cas didn't know what to say. He didn't want it to be the wrong thing. It wouldn't help to alienate Dean already. "It's okay. It doesn't have to be a date. I told you." Cas said. He said this gently. He didn't want Dean to get scared and back out. Cas adjusted his bookbag. "I don't want you to do anything you aren't comfortable with." Cas gave him a look that told Dean that he knew how Dean felt. That he was feeling an attraction to Cas. Cas knew if he said it out loud it would end everything right now. Cas wasn't trying to force Dean to be ready.

All of that just made Dean even more confused. By the look Cas was giving him, Dean could tell that the other knew Dean was crushing. Dean didn't know what to do. Should he go? Or should he just say no? Dean was torn. "Um, yeah, I guess that I could." Dean finally said. Dean didn't know what to do with his hands, but he said, "I've got a car, come on." He couldn't believe he'd agreed to this. Dean led them to the Impala. It had been a gift from his dad. Dean loved it. Baby was her name. He didn't know how this was going to go and it was freaking him out. Dean out of habit, opened the passenger side door for Cas. It was a habit his dad had drilled into him for years.

 _End flashback_

Cas' eyes filled with tears that spilled down his face. "You… Dean, you had a crush on me when we first met. You did. I know I didn't _imagine_ that! You… you called me after I'd been dropped off. Almost immediately. You can't tell me you didn't want to be with me!" Cas' voice rose as he spoke. Cas had never been so angry in his life. "I love you, Dean. And I know that you love me. Why are you really doing this? Are you worried about going to hell? Because Dean, you know that you won't go to hell. You won't. You can be who you really are. And you're bisexual, Dean. And that's okay. Don't pretend that you don't have feelings for me! I know that you do." Tone defiant.

"Do you think this is easy for me?! It's not. But Cas… I can't do this. I can't. I'm already headed for hell, but I'm not going to add to it." Dean folded his arms, wishing that he had a better excuse. He knew that Cas wasn't going to want to believe that. Dean could feel tears filling up his eyes. That was showing weakness and he hated that he was doing it. Dean wiped tears off his cheeks angrily. His mom had died when Sam was a baby. "I'm sorry, Cas. I'm afraid of losing my dad." Dean said, even though he knew that Cas would know that was a lie. John was fine with them being together. Dean sounded like a huge, huge coward, and he hated that.

At this, Cas could say nothing and Dean left with his things. Cas put his hand over his mouth, tears were racking his body and he was having a hard time calming down. Dean was all that he'd ever wanted, and now they were broken up. And for what? He wouldn't see Dean for 17 years,

 _Present day_

 _I used to try and forget him  
But now I smile  
When I remember_

 _Leaves are fallin'  
It's September  
The night came in and made him shiver  
I told him he could have my jacket  
Wrapped it tight around his shoulders  
And I was so young  
Till he kissed me  
Like a whiskey  
Like a whiskey_

The grocery store was full of people. Cas was looking for a few groceries for the weekend. He was coming up on his 17th anniversary of losing Dean. Cas had dated sparingly but he didn't ever have another serious relationship. Cas hadn't wanted to be with anyone like that. It hurt way too much. Hence the junk food.

Turning down another aisle, Cas froze. He could see Dean. _His_ Dean. He couldn't think of him that way anymore. Cas just couldn't help himself. Tears filled his eyes. The other man took his breath away. Even in pictures, he had that effect on Cas. All of the pictures of the two of them were hidden. Cas could feel a panic attack. He took several deep breaths, and had to stop walking. He gripped the handle of his cart tightly. So tightly his knuckles were white. That's when Dean turned around. Their eyes met. There was a small boy with him, they both looked at Cas then. Those green eyes met Cas' blue ones, and Cas felt his heart stop. It wasn't fair. Why did it still hurt this much?

Those blue eyes were eyes that Dean had dreamed about for years. He regretted leaving Cas. The last seventeen years had been hard for him. Three failed marriages, and one kid. The kid's name was Jonathan. Sort of after his father, who had passed away three years ago, when Jonathan had been born. Dean was single again. He'd never stopped dreaming about Cas. He loved Cas. Dean knew that he had really fucked up his life. Not that he was surprised, Dean was an expert when it came to fucking up his life. Dean couldn't look away from those gorgeous eyes. They would always be his kryptonite. Dean was jolted back all those years ago to when they had their first kiss. Dean dreamed about it almost every night. Once Jon was down for the night, that was.

 _Seventeen years ago:_

Dean stood outside Cas' apartment, waiting for him to come out. They had a date. It was the fourth one in two weeks. Dean was determined to kiss Cas as soon as he got outside. He was having a few doubts about telling his family about Cas. It was scary. What if they disowned him or something? Dean loved his family. They were all that he had in this world. Dean nervously brushed his hand through his brown hair. Cas finally stepped out, and Dean wondered what Cas had told his parents about this date. Dean had told John he was hanging out with the guys. As Cas got closer, Dean could feel butterflies in his stomach. He moved to meet him at the end of the walk to the car. Dean gave him a huge smile. "Cas" He grinned. Cas moved in for a kiss. Dean was glad and kissed him deeply. Dean's arms slid around Cas' waist, tugging him close. They were in the middle of the street by the car, and for once, he didn't care. He just wanted to be with Cas. He moaned against Cas' mouth. This was their first real kiss. It gave him a tingle inside when he thought of that. That he would be Cas' first kiss. That would scare him, that he was so excited about it. But it didn't. At least, not right now. He kept kissing him, arms tight around Cas.

It was amazing, kissing Dean. His first real kiss. Cas was so glad. He shivered as Dean's arms were around him. Cas didn't know where they were even going and he didn't care. He wanted to be with Dean. Wherever it was didn't matter. Cas shivered. It felt so good to have Dean's lips on his. He knew that Dean was really putting himself out there with Cas. Cas really did know that and he felt so honored and special that he was choosing Cas to be his first. Cas broke the kiss to breathe. He knew better than to tell Dean that he didn't care where they went. He wasn't trying to freak Dean out. He could tell that Dean was the kind of guy who spooked easily. Cas looked into those green eyes. "Where are we going?" He asked, biting his lip. Those eyes were just so beautiful. Cas thought of emeralds when he looked into them. Cas had never seen such beautiful eyes. His heart was pounding out of his chest. Cas couldn't stop from being nervous. He felt like he was going ro fuck this up somehow. He didn't want to do that. Cas hadn't ever kissed a boy before. This was more than he had ever hoped would happen to him. He'd never thought he'd kiss a boy till college. He bit his tongue. "I… I don't care where we go. As long as I'm with you." Cas wanted to slap himself for saying that out loud. Dean was going to freak out. Cas knew that and did his best to keep from saying anything else. Cas would hate himself.

Normally that would have freaked Dean out, since this was a date in which they were still getting to know each other, but Dean thought it was so sweet. He cupped Cas' jaw. "We're going bowling. To start. I actually am really good at it. I thought we'd have fun and they have great pizza." Dean loved pizza. Almost as much as burgers. He reached down and took one of Cas' hands. "Is that okay?" Dean asked. "I wanted something fun." He honestly was glad that this was what he'd chosen. Dean was trying to get Cas to know him as well as he could. That included seeing how Dean bowled.

Smiling Cas grinned. "Yeah. I love to bowl." He loved to bowl. "I'm… I'm good. I can totally beat you." Cas told him, gripping Dean's hand tightly. Cas moved with him to the Impala. Cas loved that car. It was gorgeous. Cas didn't have a car. He wasn't allowed to have one, really. But he'd only just gotten his license anyway. Cas shivered as a cold wind moved through him, and Dean tugged him closer. Cas leaned into him happily. Maybe the older boy really would be his boyfriend. Cas felt his face inflame as they got to the car. It was going to be a gorgeous night. Cas was so excited and he was holding in some of it in order to keep Dean calm.

 _Would've left this world behind  
Just to wake up by your side  
Every mornin' I  
Would have sold my soul  
For a little more time  
Would've waited a thousand nights  
If she never said goodbye  
I admit that I  
Would've sold my soul for a little more time_

 _I used to try and forget him  
But now I smile  
When I remember _

_Present day_

Their eyes met. Dean was bolted back to the present. Cas was just as beautiful as Dean remembered. He hadn't dated another guy since Cas. Slept with a few. But that's all it had been. Sex. Dean brushed his hand over his hair, and despite his better judgment, went over to Cas. Who was giving him a trying not to cry look. Dean didn't believe in fate. But he really did feel like he and Cas were meant to be together. Dean hated to admit that out loud though. He felt himself moving closer, ignoring his son's questions. When his cart had stopped in front of Cas' cart, Dean's eyes filled with tears, mostly against his will.

Cas was the first one to speak. "Hello, Dean." He said, unable to keep his voice from shaking. Cas didn't know why he was letting Dean do this to him. Put him this ill at ease. Cas could feel tingles all the way to his toes. Cas wasn't sure what to say to Dean. Cas cleared his throat carefully. "Hello Dean." He said again. Cas wasn't sure he was in charge of his mental abilities. Cas couldn't believe this was happening. Especially after 17 years. Cas looked at the boy in the cart. There was no doubt that the boy was Dean's. He had Dean's green eyes. Cas wondered if Dean was still with the mother.

The fact that all he said was hello didn't miss Dean's attention. Dean's green eyes had pooled with tears. Jon was looking between them both curiously. Dean gripped tightly to the handle of the cart. "Cas… I… I missed you." Dean managed to say. "This is my son Jonathan. We… I can't… I have so much to say. But I can't.. I can't say it in front of my son. Please… can I give you my cell phone number?" Dean felt scared Cas would tell him that he wouldn't. Dean's breath caught as Cas agreed. He felt himself in a daze as Cas handed his phone to Dean. Dean started to put his number in with his trembling fingers. This had to be the right decision.

 _Eighteen years ago:_

The sun was looking as they moved boxes up the stairs to their new apartment. Cas had just turned 18, so he was able to move in with Dean. Sam, Dean's little brother, and John, their dad, was helping. Cas' own family didn't accept him as gay so they weren't helping. Cas was carrying a box, and marvelling at them moving in together. They'd been together for six months. He was so happy. Deliriously happy. Dean hadn't really seemed to say much on whether he was happy or not, but Cas knew that Dean was. He could tell in the way Dean kissed him, in the way Dean looked at him. Cas also knew it was because this had been Dean's idea. Honestly that had surprised Cas, because family was everything to Dean. He still lived with John and Sam before this. Cas was very glad Dean was letting him in, if albeit surprised. Cas set the box on the floor of the bedroom. Sam was also putting down a box. Cas looked at him. "Sam? Are you okay?" He asked. They did in fact have some classes in common at their high school. Cas had caught glimpses of Sam with Jo Harvelle and this Ash guy that everyone knew. Stories went around about Ash. Cas heard most of them and he didn't know if he could believe any of them. Cas moved a step closer. But not too close, Sam was kind of a skittish guy. "You can talk to me. We're kind of family now." His shoulders shrugged.

"Cas, I like you. So I feel you need to know this. Dean… he's a good guy. He really is. But I don't… he's not as in this as you are. He's.. I don't know that he's ever going to feel as in this as you are. You… you're a good guy, too, Cas. I don't want you to get hurt. You're going to get hurt." Sam hated to say this out loud. He knew how happy Cas was. He knew that. Sam liked Cas. He hadn't paid much attention to him in class. He knew the rumors about Cas' brothers. They'd killed Cas' parents and were on death row. Sam knew this one was true because it was on the internet. Sam hadn't ever asked as to not upset Cas.

Those words were like knives. Cas took a deep breath. He didn't know what he was going to say to Sam about all of that. Cas felt that Sam was wrong. Even if the younger didn't think that he was. Cas ran his hand through his black hair. Dean loved to run his fingers through Cas' hair too. Cas loved it when Dean did that. "Sam, I know you know Dean better than I do. But.. to be fair, you don't know what happens when we're alone. He loves me, Sam. He does. That doesn't mean that you're wrong. I might be in this more than he is. But he loves me. I know that he does. He just needs time to catch up." Sam looked dubious about this response.

John and Dean with more boxes interrupted the talk with the boys. John watched as Dean moved to put boxes down and throw his arms around Castiel. John liked Castiel. He thought they had real potential, but it was going to be a long time before they actually did work out. John knew that Dean was eventually going to freak out and break up with Castiel. While he thought Dean could really be happy with Castiel, he knew this wasn't it. John also knew that speaking up and telling Dean or Cas that wasn't going to be at all helpful right now. John met his younger son's eyes. He knew that Sam had spoken up. John said, "Can I speak to you privately, Sam?" John asked, and saw the look of embarrassment cover his youngest son's face. John stepped out into the hallway to wait for Sam. When he'd joined him, John closed the door behind him. "You spoke to Castiel about what we talked about." John accused. "I told you not to bring it up. You know that it's only going to fuck things up. I don't want that by any means. They're going to work out in the end. You know that if Cas listens to you they might not. Dean needs time. He has to accept that he's into guys. Right now he only thinks he is. He doesn't _know_. He has to _know_. Why would you do this?! Samuel Winchester, I have never been so disappointed in you." John didn't know how Sam could have done this. John wasn't usually this disappointed with Sam. Sam was usually a very good kid.

"Dad. We both like Cas. We both want Dean to be happy. You know that Dean isn't as all in as Cas is. He might get to that point, but Cas had to know that Dean isn't in this like he is. You know Cas loves Dean. But Dean is Cas' first boyfriend. And Cas is Dean's. Since when do relationships like that last? Tell me. Honestly. You know they don't. And this one won't without a lot of work." Sam brushed long locks of his brown hair out of his eyes. Sam didn't regret what he'd done. "You can yell at me, Dad. But I don't regret what I did. I don't. I care about Castiel. He's a good guy. He really is. Dean is going to crush him." This was something that Sam kenw without a doubt. He kept his eyes on his dad's. He knew John could be just as stubborn. They all could as Winchesters. Sam was just as hard headed as his father and brother were. "I am trying to save their relationship. I'm trying to get Cas to talk to Dean. They think they're happy. They might be, but it's not going to last forever. Not the way they're going right now, Dad. I'm sorry that you are disappointed. But I did the right thing." Sam told him, and he went down to get more of their things. Sam didn't know what was going to happen if Cas spoke up, but he knew what would happen if he didn't. Sam was trying to stop that, despite his father's view.

 _Present day_

Cas stared at Dean's cell number. He was toying with the idea of calling him. Cas was laying on his couch in his pjs, and something stupid was on tv. Cas wasn't sure what to do. He didn't know if he should call or not. Cas wasn't sure that he wasn't angry that Dean had a kid. He knew that was crazy. He couldn't expect Dean to have been a total and complete monk. It had been 17 years. He couldn't believe that he was even harboring the idea of being angry. And that little boy was adorable. Cas loved that he was named after John. Cas had seen the obit in the paper. He'd been so devastated. The last time that he'd spoken to John had been so long ago. And they had had to talk about the breakup. Cas had known that John was behind his relationship with Dean. That had really touched him. Especially since Dean hadn't dated a guy before Cas. That had meant so much to Cas. He'd lost John in his life when he'd lost Dean, and Cas hadn't known how much that would hurt until after it happened. Cas' fingers were posed over the screen of his phone. He finally hit the speed dial he'd assigned to Dean. Cas hadn't been able to help himself. Cas held the phone to his ear and waited for Dean to answer. Cas knew that he was going to have to keep his anger in check. He had no right to be angry. When Dean answered, Cas' blue eyes filled with tears. "Dean." Cas said breathlessly. It was so hard.

When he heard Cas' voice, Dean's own eyes filled with tears. It had been a couple of days. He had given up hope Cas would call. "I'm so so glad that you called. I'm…. Cas. I'm so sorry. I'm… I know that we would still be together if I hadn't ended us. I lied to you when I told you that I didn't love you. I did. I was… I was so scared. It's no excuse. I'm not saying that it is. I… I didn't talk to Sam for a long time. He… we had a huge fight when he couldn't… when I wouldn't admit that I loved you. Because, Cas, I… I never stopped loving you. When Dad died…. He made me promise that I would tell you. And I chickened out." Dean's eyes brushed with tears. "Cas… I know I seem like I… I moved on. But I didn't. I've been miserable for all of these years. I should have told you. I should have tried to find you. Cas… I;m single. I've gotten divorced three times. Nothing.. It's my own fault. I shouldn't have gotten married. I should have told you that I loved you." Dean brushed his eyes with his hand, wiping them. He didn't know what else to say. He had been feeling guilty. For seventeen years. Dean knew he couldn't blame Cas if he chose not to forgive him. "I love you, Cas. You.. you can choose not to forgive me. I'm not going to argue with you. You… I want you, Cas. I want you."

His eyes brushed with tears. Cas' hand went to his mouth. He was quiet so long that Dean asked him if he was still there. Cas managed to say a small yes. He had waited for so long for this moment. "Dean, for a long time I was angry. I was. But…. I understand why you were scared. I do. You were… it's hard to be out in this world. Even in this age. So… I get it. It hurts that you married someone else, three times… but I also couldn't have expected you to stay single. I had a few flings. But I never got serious with anyone. I loved you. I still do. I couldn't imagine being with anyone forever but you. It… it hurt for a very long time. A lot. I won't lie to you. But it… eventually hurt less. I missed you every day. I did. Dean… I.. are you really sure that you want this? I can't.. I can't go through losing you again. I can't. I want to trust you. I do. I do, I just… it's hard. I am glad you told me you love me. I've been waiting for you to say that. For the record though, you… I knew how you felt. I knew all along. That's what made it so hard for me when we broke up. Because I know that you love me. I… I loved you enough to let you walk away. I had faith that you would come back. I really thought it would be before 17 years passed by. But I… I knew you would, Dean. However, I know that just because you want it now doesn't mean that you want it forever. I want you, but I want you forever. Not just for now." Cas hated to say that he wasn't sure he trusted Dean right now.

Dean let out a breath. "I know you have no reason to trust me. I know that. But I've… I have tasted life without you. I can't go through it again. I want this. I want to raise Jon with you. I… his mother passed away. Dad.. he… he.. When he was dying, he told me that I was a dumbass for breaking up with you. He made me promise that I would make things right. I… I got scared. I was afraid you didn't love me anymore. I hurt you, and I knew how much. I was… I was your first real boyfriend. I know that I.. that you always carry that kind of hurt with you. I know that. I should have called you."

"Yes, Dean. You should have. But.. we can't focus on what we regret. We can't focus on how much time we lost. Because we can't do anything about it. If…if you want to be with me, then be with me. I will. I forgive you for what you did. Just… be with me. But if you are going to be with me, it's forever. No half assed attempts." Cas was firm. He wasn't going to give in on that. He'd seen what else was out there. He knew all that he wanted was Dean. Cas wished that it hadn't taken this long. But he knew Dean was his soul mate. Cas knew that without a doubt. When Dean said he wanted that too, Cas felt his eyes fill with tears again. "Come over. Come over right now."

 _Leaves are fallin'  
It's September  
The night came in and made him shiver  
I told him he could have my jacket  
Wrapped it tight around his shoulders  
And I was so young  
Till he kissed me  
Like a whiskey  
LIke a whiskey_

 _And I was so young  
Til he kissed me  
Like a whiskey_

The church was full of people. It had been thrown together quickly. Dean stood at the altar, and Cas was walking down the aisle towards him. Dean had written his own vows. Sam was his best man, and he was holding Jon. Dean had to stop himself from walking down to meet Cas halfway through. When Cas got to him, Dean reached out and grabbed Cas' hands. He barely heard the minister start the wedding. Dean couldn't take his eyes off Cas' blue ones. Dean just wished that John could be here. He knew his dad wouldn't have missed it. Dean stroked the back of Cas' hands. Before he knew it, it was time for the rings. They'd wanted to do the rings before the vows. Dean slid the ring on Cas' finger, his green eyes full of tears. This was real.

Taking a deep breath, Cas knew it was time for his vows. He looked into those bright green eyes that he loved. "This should have happened years ago. Even if it wasn't legal till recently." A pause and everyone laughed. Cas rubbed the back of Dean's hands with his thumbs. "I love you. I love you so very much. I think for me it was love at first sight. I never stopped loving you. I knew you were out there. I knew you would come back to me. You.. I want to die old with you in our bed. That's what we all want. Everyone wants love. Maybe not romantic love, but love. You.. you love me, Dean Henry Winchester. I will love you always."

Tears brushed his eyes. Dean wanted to kiss him right now. He spoke with a trembling voice. "I love you, Castiel Novak. I do. I should have figured it out sooner. It took me too long. But I am just so glad that we're together now. You… you're going to be my husband. My son's father. And Jon loves you. He.. I told him we were getting married, and he was so happy. He said, I'm so lucky, Daddy. Some kids don't have any daddy, but I get to have two." He had to pause to cry. Cas was too, they all were. "He was the happiest I've seen him in a long time. The one thing I would wish for is for my dad to be here. He would be so happy, Cas. I am so happy. I love you and I always will."

With that, they were pronounced husbands. They kissed deeply. Dean ran his fingers through Cas' hair as he kissed him. They were married. It was forever. Dean kissed Cas until they were both breathless. Dean looked up at the ceiling while they parted. John may not have been there physically, but Dean felt his dad had still been there. "I did it, Dad." Dean whispered, as he took Cas' hand. Now forever could begin.

 _ **Author's note: So, I love this fic. I didn't really have a plan. It just came out. All the songs but one on**_ _Red Pill Blue_ _ **s reminds me of Destiel. I have seen so many posts lately about how SPN only makes sense lately if you admit Destiel is there. Which is so true. The antis hate that that's the only way it makes sense. I love that. I love that they're pissed. Makes me smile. Review if you like!**_


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